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2005-10-14 - 12:01 a.m.

I've already told you that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and if you read my diary you will know that the symptoms have made me crazy.

I started a new job recently and it suddenly occurred to me that my immediate boss has the same problem and it has humbled me. She is MUCH worse than I am and I shouldn't complain. The symptoms include a sudden weight gain, increased hairiness, acne and scanty periods amongst other things.

The main problem is, the hormonal change makes you put on weight and all the symptoms come. Unfortunately, as you are bigger your body releases even MORE of the hormones which in turn make you even bigger. In short, it's a catch 22 situation and you have to stop the cycle by stopping yourself from gaining the weight.

...and herein is the utter shit of the situation. I don't know exactly how it works but the condition does something to your insulin which means that your body doesn't process sugars properly and losing the weight is made much more difficult because your body is working against you.

Over the past couple of years I have forced 3 stone (42lbs) of fat off myself and it's been fucking hard. The weight is the main thing that makes me crazy, I have acne ON MY BREASTS that I control as much as possible using essential oils and medicated soap and I have hairs under my chin which I control by plucking and I will get 'em burned out via electrolosis soon I reckon.

That's my story (in brief, check out my first entry for more). The woman I am now working for is much taller than I and a very large lady. I didn't think too much about it until yesterday when she was explaining something to me and I realised that she had whiskers around her whole chin and up onto her cheeks. The hairs were trimmed very short but if she left them she would have a full beard. I could cry, thank god I don't have it that bad. I feel quite emotional about it. I have become so self absorbed and I've really got nothing to worry about compared to this lady.

The other thing is, she's married and I have kinda shut myself away since becoming what I percieve as being 'uglified'. She is a lesson to me and I secretly wish her well. I obviously haven't said anything to her but I hope she can get some treatment....

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