2005-12-29 - 10:54 p.m.

Well, I've put on 12lb since October. Can you believe it? 12 fucking pounds of disgusting fat. The weird thing is, people still think I'm losing weight. It must be the exercise I've been doing. I must be more toned. The toned blimp.

That's the bad news. The better news is that I had a letter from Slimming World inviting me back and I accepted. Tonight

I thought it would be worse than 12lb actually as I have eaten like a bastard for weeks now. I was majorly excited when I discovered that it wasn't the stone+ I was expecting. Anyhoo, I have had another idea too. I was speaking to my cousin's husband (my cousin in-law?) who had a heart attack a few months ago. He is a lorry driver who chain smoked between 60-80 fags a DAY! After the heart attack he went on a 5 hour hypnotherapy thing with my cousin to give up smoking and it worked!

Having had my own New Age shop in the past and being a qualified Aromatherapist who also has friends open to various alternative therapies, hypnotherapy appeals to me. I know that when I am dieting I am either 100% committed and nothing will break my resolve OR I am eating anything in the house from dry spaghetti to stale bread and nothing will stop me. I know that I have negative programming when it comes to food and that when I am in full binge mode my brain leaves me and I eat at top speed without either tasting or wanting the food. This can be changed and with hypnotherapy I can be put into a deeply suggestable state whilst positive suggestions are given to me and the negative shit can be erased. I am going for it. This combined with being back at Slimming World SHOULD kick this thing once and for all and I can then take up the job I am qualified for (that requires a certain level of fitness).

I am feeling quite positive actually.

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