2005-02-21 - 3:36 p.m.

Bloody hell it's hard. I had 2 weeks of being BRILLIANT on my diet but this week it is a struggle. I can count yesterday (Sunday) as being good, Saturday as being TERRIBLE, Friday as being good apart from a chocolate covered flapjack (hang me, hang me now...) and Thursday after Slimming Club as being an orgy of eating whatever I could 'cause I'd just been weighed and had practically starved myself all day.

I guess I am like an alcoholic and have to do my utmost to avoid my vice. I hope that as I get slimmer the need to binge leaves me. I doubt it but I hope that I have learned enough to make the right decisions and binge on good shit rather than whole tubs of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream :(

I could have a Homer Simpson moment here but I am fighting against the memory of the sweet sweet marshmallow and chocolate fish swirling around my mouth in an orgasm of chocolatey coldness, aaaagggggggg (mouth open, drool falling in strings at my feet)

Well, there you go. Bugger!

I am menstrual (can you tell?). In the past I have been manic at this time and when there has been nothing in the house I have eaten dry spaghetti and crisps that are old and stale in flavours that I hate (which is why they've been in the drawer for so long). It's almost as if I become possessed of some mad creature that has to be satisfied before I can return to any kind of normality. Bloody hell. My boobs are getting a bit sore (she over-shared) which means that I must be retaining water which in turn means that I might weigh heavier at Slimming Club on Thursday. This added to my badness over the weekend might mean that this week will be a depressing end to a difficult week. I am SO tempted to eat bad stuff, I must have drunk a gallon of nettle tea and green tea in order to do something with my mouth and attempt to piddle out my water retention. I know that nettle is a diuretic, green tea must be the same, everyone bangs on about how good it is for you.

It's a bloody game isn't it, this being fat lark. I remember when I was young, I was obsessed that I was huge but when I look back at the photos I think 'silly, silly girl'. I was lovely back then and had NOTHING to worry about :(

�

previous - next